Two Shows that are Hard to Love but Worth the Effort + Other Anti Rom-Coms to Watch
Physical & You're the Worst will make you flinch repeatedly but it's all for a higher purpose end game.
Physical Urges You to “Feel the Burn” in all Kinds of Uncomfortable Ways
It’s the final season of Physical on Apple TV+, the show that’s billed as a “comedy” that’s the farthest from a comedy, and that I reviewed and raved about in its debut season here when Sheila Rubin (Rose Bryne) was still hiding most of herself under the guise of devoted housewife to her aspiring politician husband, Danny, until she couldn’t anymore.
Since then, the show got green-lit for 2 additional seasons and in that time, we’ve seen Sheila start a fitness business and learn to hate herself little less by doing aerobics and teaching other women about empowerment via fitness, which was a big craze in the 80s, the time period in which this show takes place. As a recovering bulimic, Sheila’s relationship with disordered eating requires an ongoing and conscious effort on her part to maintain some sort of healthy equilibrium when it comes to food and it’s hard work. Writing self-affirmations on notecards, sticking them to the mirror, and saying them out loud daily help, but that’s only part of the work, as she discovers trying to battle inner demons and potential external threats.
What the show does really well is capture that the need to deny the body nourishment by way of food as a foundational element also denies the whole person - mind, body and soul - of any pleasure or joy. Sheila, appears poised and beautiful and holds power by using her skills adeptly to her advantage, but underneath there is a pretty angry individual who doesn’t have a firm grip on her well-being and who has been actively denying her needs and wants for so long, she can’t trust herself.
By way of context: We know that Sheila’s disordered eating is connected to the fact that she was molested repeatedly as a child by her father’s friend and to boot, when she finally confronted her parents they didn’t believe her.
Funny thing happens when you spend your whole adult life just denying anything you want. You lose touch with yourself. - Harriet
I don’t know what I like. It’s such a humiliating thing to admit. - Sheila
S3, Episode 3, “Like it’s on Fire” - Physical on Apple TV+
The theme being that women often deny what they want to the extent it’s no longer accessible, putting others’ needs ahead of their own, thereby diminishing their self-worth and ability to advocate for themselves to the point they don’t know what they want.
In author Dani Shapiro’s works, she identifies the ways in which women use self-sabotage techniques to suppress their wants and needs. In the story presented in Physical, the character of Sheila Rubin has lived all of these intimately and is on #6.
1. We give what we most want for ourselves to someone else.
2. We tell ourselves that this one thing is going to hurt our marriage.
3. We claim we can't afford it. (this one is sometimes true)
4. We plan to do it—as soon as it's a less stressful time.
5. We tamp ourselves down.
6. We forget what we want most. - DING DING DING DING
The evolution of Sheila’s journey this season is well-earned. There are more moments of Sheila showing vulnerability that give way to authenticity and connection. The brightest moments can be found in Sheila’s interactions in her disordered eating support group where she’s in the company of other women also battling similar demons who can hear her and empathize with her.
Harriet is the only character on the show to challenge Sheila, apart from her ex-lover, commercial developer, John Breem (Paul Sparks) and Sheila needs to be called out on her actions and how they impact others because otherwise, she can easily go around and hurt people, which she has done repeatedly. Just ask her gal pal, Greta (Dierdre Friel) John Breem is so good in this role and I relish all the screen time he gets here. Like Sheila, he’s full of ambition and vision and while he has more agency and power, he’s uncovering obstacles in season 3 that may just get the better of him. Are they #couplegoals? Maybe, but probably not.
An interesting addition to the cast in the final season is Zooey Deschanel, former Millennial It girl ingenue from the appropriately titled, aughts show New Girl, who plays a nationally televised bubbly blonde fitness star, who is hawking her wares on Johnny Carson’s show, because as she says it, “Johnny loves blondes.” She’s also pulling double duty here acting in Sheila’s destructive delusions representing the unhealthy, self-loathing side of her goading her on to act in less-than-admirable ways. I’m not loving it, but maybe that’s the point. Bring on the competition and see how Sheila handles it, or doesn’t.
I’m 3.75 episodes into this final season and I know something. Physical will not end with a perfect High School Musical The Series Disney type closure because it’s not that kind of show. There’s never going to be a universe where Sheila is living a totally healthy life and making consistently good choices for herself and her daughter, a least not in the short run. There’s no conscious uncoupling with her ex, Danny. This is the 1980s. Work like that takes a long time and perhaps an offramp or two involving psychedelic mushrooms for these two.
As I was reminded this week by way of
staying strong in the middle requires some core strength. Sheila’s building an empire out of a house of cards so you know it’s all going to come crashing down, but you relish the ride because the characters are interesting, the dialogue and relationships compelling and the tension just right. If you can stomach the ride, it’s a show worth giving a try.Growing up in the 80s, I was exposed to a steady diet of fitness star Jane Fonda’s aerobics workout videos. I was a fat kid in elementary school and didn’t want that to haunt me into junior high hence the aerobics videos and taking up running. I achieved my goal but I had a love-hate relationship with Fonda’s brand of feminism by way of these videos which coined the term “Feel the burn.” The women in the videos were all fem-bot types who were unusually flexible. Per The WSJ: Her videos inspired women to seek strength—but also held out an unreachable physical ideal.
The Anti Rom-Com Queen Scores a Home Run in You’re the Worst
I first developed a curiosity about Aya Cash, the main actress in You’re the Worst on FX on Hulu and in The Boys on Prime Video, because of her first name, Aya. It’s the same as my daughter’s and it’s pretty unique in the U.S. Naturally, this led me to think she had a) baller parents and b) ample chutzpah to be able to carry such a name and not give into the Hollywood pressure. After witnessing Cash in this show, I’m inclined to think both statements are true.
Aya Cash is one half of the You’re the Worst couple sandwich of Gretchen Cutler, a hip hop publicist, and Jimmy Shive-Overly (Chris Geere), a published author. By all accounts, the 30-somethings that meet at a wedding of his ex and her best friend’s older sister, should never have been paired. Only, Jimmy got kicked out of the wedding for taunting his ex with almost heckles (he’s famous for his heckle lists) and she’s attempting to steal a food processor and on her way out of LA, having made the decision to move to NYC, and they happen to meet one another standing outside the shindig and decide to hook up.
Jimmy is unlikeable bloke who is made more human by his foil, his kind, thoughtful and depressed roommate Edgar (Desmin Borges), a former veteran with PTSD who was also Jimmy’s weed dealer in a pre-show timeline. The show handles Edgar’s PTSD as a very real issue that’s woven into its fabric in both humorous and not so humorous bits. The final person in the friend group is Lindsay (Kether Donohue), a sex addict and recovering party friend of Gretchen’s who is in a loveless marriage and acting out in all sorts of ways. She also sings a mean version of Kate Bush’s “This Women’s Work” which prompts Edgar to fall in love with her.
The show works well with the four of them together. Take Edgar out of the equation and I’m not sure Jimmy and Gretchen stand a chance. The relationship works because it’s part of a bigger friend ecosystem and that’s what this show gets fundamentally right. No sustaining romance worth a late night TV watch is an island, nor should it be.
On subject of this, recently, I was listening to relationship expert and psychotherapist Esther Perel being interviewed by podcaster/actress/activist Jameela Jamil on her podcast, I Weigh where the two discuss, among other topics how Jamil lives in a home with her boyfriend and their close friends and it’s great for their relationship because she gets all her needs met - friendship, romantic, and otherwise. In short, it’s impossible for one person to meet all needs of another person and setting up a relationship this way spells doom.
As much as I dig a good rom-com, I’m equally and perhaps more compelled by a messy one that doesn’t follow a happy, predictable pattern - one that leaves our star-crossed lovers with more life lessons learned at the end and less likely to be together. In You’re the Worst, the relationship is consummated in the first episode leaving ample room in the the rest of the five seasons for more creative storytelling and better use of the ensemble.
One of the best episodes I’ve watched is called, “Sunday Funday” in which Silver Lake hipsters led by actor Thomas Middleditch (Silicon Valley) brunch at the same place as our foursome and teal Edgar’s list of off-the-beaten-path cool activities he’s planned for them and they get into a weird competition with the group. There is the backstory of Jimmy and Gretchen defining the terms of their relationship better, but it gets lost in the hilarity ensuing with the hipsters.
The show came out almost a decade ago and some of the jokes reflect the passage of time more unkindly than others. That said, it’s refreshing to see honesty, in all its forms on display on this show, even the ones that hurt, because true to human nature, we are all cruel and unkind and say impulsive mean things to one another, but can then turn around and do really thoughtful, wonderful things for each other. And relationships are similarly not static and change over time. The writing is good here and the acting holds court. Moreover, watching flawed characters just trying to figure life sh*t out with all their cynicism, uncertainty, and youthful radiance intact makes for compelling TV. For an end of Summer show, it just works.
Other Anti-Rom Com / Life Affirming Recos
Alison Brie and her hubby, Dave Franco, wrote this.
John Breem is in this one…
One of the top shows of 2023. Read my review.
I haven’t even heard of these shows! Will check them out.
Thanks for the mention!
Oh gosh, I already have so much to watch, but I think you’ve convinced me to add a few more to my list! I guess the one good thing that the AMPTP is doing by refusing to negotiate in good faith is to give me some time for a backlog of shows I’ve been meaning to watch. 🤷🏻♀️