Random stray thoughts that have nothing to do with movies or films

The battle between self-expression, creativity and massaging content to perfection. But also experimentation and how that gets us closer to something.

Writing a fiction book is something that has been on my mind for a few years now. In my self-diagnosed ADHD brain however, the stamina required to commit to habits of mind to write 80-100K cohesive words to form a story worth reading, is often the challenge. It’s not the motivation. I have that in spades, though it can make for a fickle sparring partner at times. It’s the outlining, steps required and the unblocking myself at every turn to realize I can push past this, and, absent a signed, sealed and delivered, publisher, take a bet on myself.

Oh, and yes, find time and emotional regulation in between a full-time job, being a mom, dog caregiver and planning a bar mitzvah, which comes without any playbook, just like being a parent!

In the meantime, I’m enjoying writing reviews on prestige TV and film here, growing my community of awesome cultural writers and storytellers (notably here, here, here) and readers, and the immediacy of feedback and the conversation that stems from the posts I write and read here. I’m thirsty for discussion boards. It may also explain why for the last 2.5 months I’ve prioritized self-expression through my Substack vs writing my book. Both are equally as important to me, and in a way they both require the brave first step of just “showing up” (that’s the hard part!) as my Peloton instructors often refrain to me and to be fair, they are kinda right.

My procrastination and agonizing over opening my Scrivener app to get to my book is the self-pain. Showing up to do the work and commit to it, that’s the hard part, but so is the jumping off the diving board step I experience when I open up a blank Substack post page. It’s incredibly daunting and partially invigorating. It holds so much promise and yet so much white, blank open space that longs to torment me in my search for the right word or words.

When I first wrote on Substack, I used to publish immediately after I wrote a post. It was cathartic and it also satisfied my impulse to express the idea in the here and now before it somehow became invalidated by my tendency for over-analysis. Now, I tend to write and then refine a few times and then post. I schedule my publishing and have certain days. I’m adulting, I suppose. But I’m also trying to maintain the balance of creative, in-the-moment “sandbox” type approach to my work (experimenting with new post ideas for one:) and the calendaring of content. My preference tends to swing to the more creative, less scheduled approach, in case you’re wondering.

Experimentation & Embarrassing Admissions

For January and February, I experimented with writing weekly recaps of shows (The Last of Us (ongoing) and Velma), something I was wildly into in my 20s when I published a book about the TV show The Apprentice and which I find less fulfilling in my 40s. Go figure. There are highlights. It keeps me writing regularly. There are lowlights too. Velma really wasn’t enjoyable to watch and yet I committed to it. It was also exhausting to keep up with the schedule of writing two posts a week.

One of my more popular posts in the past few weeks was an accidental send of a draft letter Substack puts in its writers’ “drafts” (How to Use Substack Editor) to help new writers know how to use the platform. While I’m not sure how the post was deployed, I had been showing a new Substack author how to schedule a post the week prior and it’s possible I accidentally scheduled it when showing her how to use the feature. I didn’t write this post. It’s totally unrelated to anything I write about and at first I was a mildly perplexed and if I’m honest, annoyed, perturbed and pissed that it had so many views. Was it possible that people were curious on what this was about and that led to the views? Maybe. Was it just as likely that it held value for readers of my Substack and thus it was consumed? Probably.

I did a few writing collaborations. This was a new and different.

The Learning Part

I don’t think I’ll be doing weekly recaps of shows. It’s not my thing. I may retract this statement at a later point if something in the discussion thread convinces me otherwise.

I want to spend more time diving into topics and media that interest me and writing about that.

I want to do collabs with other writers. I get that tingly, I feel seen feeling with them. I prefer doing them in the moment synchronously. Fleishman is in Trouble was a landmark moment in teaching me this. And Dead to Me, a great follow up. I also acknowledge it also takes more time and planning to do these.

Unrelated to Substack, when I’ve hit roadblocks on writing my book and needed accountability partners or just “this shit is hard” connection, I’ve found a great writers’ group (that I helped to form) though Writing Mastery Academy. The Beats have been formulated and the meetings with this small and mighty group help me to stay on course. And one day my book will be a Netflix movie or show. I have my cast already lined up, so Rachel Bloom free up your schedule now.

That’s a great segue to a soon-to-be future post on saving Reboot, Bloom’s latest show on Hulu. Also starring the very funny Paul Reiser. The show was cancelled after one season and is currently being shopped around. We will find a way to save it, one Substack post at a time.

And because you can’t write a book without music inspiration, here’s the song track I’m listening to this week as I plan out Bloom’s or my protagonist’s love story.

Pop Culture Trivia: The singer of this song is John Travolta and Kelly Preston’s daughter, Ella Bleu.

And pish posh to the nepo baby talk. I’m a bonafide fan of this song, Sosie Bacon’s TikTok’s with her dad, Kevin, and Willow Smith’s “Meet me at our spot”

@kevinbaconI think I know a thing or two about the role of the #antihero. We’re the problem @Taylor Swift . #midnights #swiftie

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