Jewish Representation as Seen on "Nobody Wants This."

Our Gen X panel and a guest star weigh in on Netflix’s #1 rom-com and the questionable choices it makes regarding interfaith couples and Jewish identity

And we’re back with Part 2 of our analysis of Nobody Wants This. This is the post where we go deep on Jewish representation (good or bad?) and whether or not the show keeps the faith.

🔗 In Part 1, we dived into the background of the show, hot takes, sibling relationships, and the schvitz of it all, [link here]

As I mentioned previously, my panel of fierce Gen X ladies includes two sharp, witty, and pop-culture-savvy Substackistas,

Sheila Moeschen

and

Ingrid Haring-Mendes

.

And today we’re adding another pop culture maven to the mix, Millennial Jewish TV enthusiast (

Jewish TV Club

) and Deputy Managing Editor at Jewish culture mag, Kveller,

Lior Zaltzman

, who has tackled heady topics such as “Should Jews Watch Netflix’s Nobody Wants This.” [link] and if the word "shiksa” is offensive [link], in addition to interviewing one of the show’s actresses, Jackie Tohn (Esther).

So with, please welcome our panelists with a roaring round of applause. 👏

Source: NPR / Joanne (Kristen Bell) and Noah (Adam Brody) take a stroll at a Jewish camp

Diving into It: Is “Hot Rabbi Too Good To Be True”? & Other Topics

Lior, as you didn’t get a chance to weigh in the questions posed in our prior post, want to be sure weigh in on a few.

In 5 words or less describe this show.

Lior: Funny, enjoyable, alarming, real

Characters that felt real to you or were handled well / Characters that were lacking

Lior: I did believe in Rebecca and Esther as three dimensional characters (I spoke to Jackie Tohn about it for Kveller and I know it was important to her,) but the fact that they’re the only representation of Jewish women, along with the partners at the basketball games, and are all domineering and uptight and can’t let loose — that’s certainly a blind spot of the show.

I know a lot of strong, bossy, Jewish women, and there are controlling Jewish moms like Bina for sure, but when that’s the only representation you’re willing to show, especially in contrast to the blond non-Jews who are so fun and easy, that’s so frustrating.

That having been said, even though Joanne and Noah’s relationship were fun and steamy, my favorite parts of the show were with Esther, Sasha, and Miriam — I loved the funny and affectionate portrayal of this Jewish nuclear family, the progression that Esther went through when it came to Miriam’s bat mitzvah, the way Sasha shows up for his daughter in ridiculous way, the way they’re obviously very attracted to each other and love each other, it felt like a very nice portrayal of a Jewish family that I had been longing for.

[Editorial Note: In the prior post,

Ingrid Haring-Mendes

and

Beth Lisogorsky

both picked up on the one-dimensional representation of the characterization of Jewish females on this show.

Sheila Moeschen

noted some of the sweet qualities in Sasha’s character. And pretty much we all trademarked “hot rabbi = AI boyfriend”]

If you didn’t know anything about Jewish culture (no Seinfeld references) and were to see this what would you think about it?

Ingrid:  I would see it similarly to the way I would see other cultures that are portrayed in a “stricter’ light. Like let’s say— how Indian culture is portrayed in the show Never Have I Ever, or the film Bend It Like Beckham comes to mind. That was kind of what I thought when I watched it.

Lior: This is a very hard question for me to ask because my entire life, professional and personal, is immersed in Jewish culture. That having been said…

I think that this show is not “good for the Jews” — in that it paints our religion as the obstacle to the romance, the central thing that you’re rooting for in the show.

It does try to show some beautiful Jewish ritual and spaces, but especially the synagogue scenes feel so gross, it’s like Joanne is entering into a closed-minded battlefield, no one in that space aside from Noah is portrayed as truly likable. That worries me. The best Jewish representation actually came from Rabbi Shira at the Jewish camp, played by Leslie Grossman who is amazing, and I’m hoping that maybe she’ll be as memorable to everyone watching as she was to me.

Beth: Jewish culture is like… My Big Fat Greek Wedding meets Monster-In-Law. The stereotypes about the culture and the Yiddish-isms ran rampant. I’m still stuck on “the schvitz” as a bathhouse that Noah’s dad Ilan goes to and Sasha pursues him in to demand a promotion, but in my quick Google search, apparently that’s a thing.

Monster-In-Law (the evil mother-in-law) Meet My Big Fat Greek Wedding

Also I’m not even sure what accent Tovah Feldshuh (Noah’s mom, Bina) was supposed to have. Was that Russian Jewish? As I Jew, I was lost. At some point, I thought maybe Ilan was Israeli. They also could have not had accents, too! That would have been completely believable but not as comical, I suppose.

More to the point of this show not being good for the Jews as you mention, Lior, I read commentary on how anti-Jewish this show is from

Jason Crystal

[link here] and found myself nodding my head repeatedly in agreement, particularly with this line:

People love watching a Jewish family, as long as they are walking cliches and the climax is them abandoning their faith.

Ingrid: I fully understood Noah’s family’s skepticism of him being in a relationship with a non-Jew. I’m mixed race. My mother is Indian and my father is Austrian. They met in the early 70s in East Africa. My mother’s family was exposed to diversity and other religions, my father’s family was not.; they came from a small Austrian village. The first thing my grandmother asked when my father told her that my mother wasn’t Austrian, was what religion is she? Once my grandmother found out my mother was Catholic too, she was okay with their marriage. 

What I didn’t find realistic and somewhat off-putting was Joanne’s (at first) cavalier attitude to becoming Jewish. I don’t think it’s realistic for someone to so easily decide they want to become a certain religion. It made her seem so flaky somehow and at the same time, it disrespected the Jewish faith.

A faith isn’t just something you adopt on a whim because you like a guy.

The fact that in the last episode, she decides against converting did have redemptive value to it— when Joanne tells Noah: “You can’t have both. And I would never make you choose.” I thought to myself, that sounds more realistic.

But then: Noah goes and gives up his promotion! Arghhh! If you were looking for a perfect romcom ending, Nobody Wants This hits the nail on the head. If you’re looking for a more realistic ending…

Sheila: The show makes marriages in this faith seem onerous. Like I said with the way Esther is portrayed: it’s almost like locking down a business arrangement. Even Sasha makes a joke about that when Noah says how he and Joanne are in the stage of wanting to be around each other 24/7 and Sasha says it’s the same for he and Esther, but, more of a legal thing.

I really disliked the implication that Sasha needs to be high to deal with his family. I found that super depressing.

The dynamics between Noah and his family and Sasha and his family all seem very controlled and that 1. There are a lot of rules to being in this culture/family 2. No matter how much you try or how “worthy” you are you will never be good enough for a Jewish mother.

And maybe this part of it is to contrast the way Noah presents the faith itself, which is incredibly beautiful, moving, even gentle in a sense, and very inviting. It’s like the show also sets up the tension between the beliefs and philosophies and practices of Judaism and then the LIVED experience of being a Jew. 

Beth: Wow, when I hear you put it like this, I’m even more depressed for how Jews are depicted on this show. You’re spot on.

The interfaith handling of the relationship. Thoughts?

Sheila: One thing that I would be interested in hearing others here who are practicing Jews speak to is the sense through most of the show that Joanne is a bit of a religious “tourist.” She almost treats the experiences that Noah exposes her to as these fun, charming, cool things she’s doing with her boyfriend. Is that offensive or troubling at all?

As a sidenote: I did appreciate the D’Arcy Carden–the friend played by The Good Place’s Janet!--basically called out Joanne’s cavalier attitude toward all of it..she says something like “It’s perfect since you don’t actually believe in or stand for anything..” That made me laugh and even more so with the look on Joanne’s face…

Kristen Bell and D’Arcy Carden on “The Good Place” - a great show (What the FORK!)

At the same time, until the end of the series, there doesn’t seem to be much urgency to resolve the interfaith tension. I wondered if that was realistic, especially given Noah’s complete devotion to his faith and his career in that faith. I sort of assumed that Bina’s reaction to their relationship was pretty realistic, even as harsh as it feels. But, of course, it’s also meant to be a show for broad consumption so treating the interfaith piece lightly or, maybe, casually is a better term, is more of a matter of getting viewers to buy into the romance overall.

Lior: I think it’s a real example of one type of interfaith relationship. But the majority of Jewish relationships nowadays are interfaith, and for it to be the only example of interfaith relationships is problematic. Especially if this is a reform congregation? And they’re in LA?? I’m sure there are plenty of interfaith couples around them.

I certainly know a lot of people who are not Jewish and just don’t feel strongly about religion, just like Joanne. I was actually thinking of the Jewish couple in TLC’s Forbidden Love, where he is an Orthodox Jew and she was raised Catholic but Judaism was the first religion that she actually really connected to. I feel like there’s foreshadowing to Joanne certainly finding more meaning in these Jewish rituals than anything she’s ever participated in before.

I certainly know that there are mothers like Bina who want their sons to only marry Jewish women. And I know that there are reform Jewish congregations who would struggle to embrace a rabbi in an interfaith relationship. But there are also congregations that don’t, there are also plenty of couples who are in relationships where they respect each other’s faith, I think this show paints Judaism as a religion that’s closed to intermarriage, and that’s only part of the truth.

Beth: The final scene  was a cop-out. I wanted the realistic ended! Noah is NOT going to give it (career, religion) all up for Joanne. And why should he? He’s worked his entire adult life, and from the sounds of it, his adolescence too, to become a rabbi at that temple.  It doesn’t track, and perhaps because everything here felt so superficial, it was a rushed ending that I didn’t buy. On the Noah front, he’s always saying the right things, and being so emotionally available  and articulate with Joanne while she’s running away. He’s the one running after her. Joanne (Bell) is agnostic which means she doesn’t believe in God so it stands to reason that’s a far stretch from converting to Judaism. 

Kristen Bell slays in all her comedic stuff. She embodies the “blonde shiksa”  Non-Jewish character, for sure. But conversion by convenience is not a thing in Judaism so at least that was something they thoughtfully provided closure on. Also the whole storyline of will Joanne convert or not, the conversations with both Noah and her friends felt very surface level. Episode 5, “My Friend Joanne,” was the high water mark for this show and its inflection point - Joanne has the opportunity to learn more about Judaism in a welcoming space (at sleep-away camp) with Rabbi Shira, and instead she leaves it behind because she doesn’t see a future with Noah at the moment. It’s very short-sighted and shallow. But then again, Noah only takes her Jewishness seriously at the point that his promotion is threatened.

Bryan Cranston as the Jewish dentist who converts so he tell Jewish jokes

It brings to mind Bryan Cranston’s dentist in Seinfeld who converts to Judaism just so he can tell Jewish jokes. Here we have Joanne who wants to convert just to keep Noah.

Anything else you’d want to say about the show? And “Yes” to Season 2 OR “Uh, we’re done here”? - STAY TUNED! We’ll be back for the answer to this question tomorrow.

In the meantime, weigh in with your thoughts:

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Thank you Ingrid, Sheila, and Lior for hanging on the virtual couch with me.

To read our previous discussion, go here.🔔

Let’s Discuss - Sound Off!

• What do you think of this show?

• Do you think shows like this send a subtle message to audiences for Jewish people to abandon their faith?

• Jewish representation here - Favorable? Unfavorable?

• Do you remember the 2000’s movie, Keeping the Faith with Ed Norton as a priest, Ben Stiller as a rabbi, and Jenna Elfman, as the hot blond shiksa they are in love with? Yeah, me neither, but a friend recently mentioned the striking differences and similarities. The ending is where the two diverge and where they run counter messages regarding faith, love and spirituality.