Being Mary Tyler Moore Review: A Portrait in stoicism
Turns out America's sweetheart of the 60s and 70s was more than just the sum of her smiles. There's no easy road for the road she was trekking.
A TV critic’s faux pas
Mary Tyler Moore was a well established TV icon and comedienne by the time I came unto the scene as a child and student of 80s culture growing up a on a steady diet of conservative sarcasm, from the likes of Alex P. Keaton (Family Ties), the wisdom of Mrs. Edna Garrett (Facts of Life), and the fantastic escapism of soap opera serials like The Love Boat and Hotel.
I had heard rumblings in my youth of the blockbuster 70s CBS Saturday night lineup - a venerable roster of Hollywood “golden age” comedic royalty for the ages - All in the Family, The Bob Newhart Show, Mash, The Carol Burnett Show and The Mary Tyler Moore Show but in my mind, these shows and the stuff that made them relevant was of its time and that decade had come and gone much like the outdated attire of that era - certainly not modern like the shows I watched, so unfortunately I never really gave these shows the time of day. In retrospect, I really should have. On what planet does the show Hotel even hold half a Bergamot candle to All in the Family? Is the pairing and attractiveness of James Brolin & Connie Sellecca really a respectable excuse? Did they even air reruns of 70s CBS shows on ABC in the 80s?
Blasphemy, I know. There you have it.
So I was curious to learn more about Mary Tyler Moore, also known as Laura Petrie, one half of the couple from The Dick Van Dyke Show of the 60s and who later went on to find success on her eponymous show, The Mary Tyler Moore Show of the 70s, where she portrayed a single woman, moving to Minneapolis, and taking a new job as an associate TV producer at a failing TV station, helmed by a man named, Lou Grant (Ed Asner), because I felt equal parts Jewish guilt over my ignorance of such shows combined with a desire to scratch the BTS (behind-the-scenes) “actors of yore” itch I continually am plagued with. Moore, who died in 2017 at the age of 80 lived a very full live, as is evidenced in the 2 hr documentary about her life, Being Mary Tyler Moore, currently airing on Max (formerly HBO Max).
In it, we see the fabric of Moore’s life stitched together with stories from those who knew her, loved her, worked with her, and were inspired by her with the documentary chronically working its way from the beginning to end of her life. In all accounts, Moore lived her career in two modes - one, the engaged actress beaming her smiles and good cheer to all of those around her and the second - aloof, detached, and never confiding in anyone around her. Commanding of an audience and never fearful to work for what she wanted, Moore also didn’t shy away from speaking her mind and calling BS on the hypocrisy around her. This is well illustrated in the documentary via the interview footage that is generously interspersed in the narrative.
Case in point from a 1966 interview featured in the documentary in which the interviewer (Susskind) is trying to shame Mary Tyler Moore for her career ambitions. Moore quotes Friedan on the subject in her retort to Susskind’s probe: “Women should be human beings first, women second, and wives and mothers, third.” She says that more women should work. When further goaded by Susskind, “How can a woman be wed to two forces in life? You’re only half married if you’re in show business because that demands so much of your energy” Moore answers contemplatively, “I don’t think so. I think I could waste a lot more energy sitting at home with nothing to do. Other than talk with the girls on what gossip they’ve heard. Just chase after the kids instead of spending time with my son because I know we don’t have as much time together as most parents.”
Side note: Not gonna lie, some of these interviews featured in the documentary that take place in the 70s and 80s need a trigger warning in their levels of sexist BS and how much they try in either box in Moore to being a specific type of symbol or being downright condescending in the line of questioning. The infamous one from 1966 with David Susskind, which I referenced above, is particularly cringe-worthy. Mary Tyler Moore (MTM) holds her own with grace and composure. Give this a watch.
Mary Tyler Moore as an early star
In her first big break, Mary Tyler Moore as Laura Petrie (Moore) was a devoted wife to Rob (Van Dyke) and a consummate performer. Carl Reiner, creator of The Dick Van Dyke Show (originally called Head of the Family) and intended for Reiner to star as the show’s lead, once said of Moore:
She was grace personified. She could never take a wrong step…. The fact that she started out as a dancer was indicative of everything she did after that. Her grace was unmistakable. I saw it the first time she walked into my office.
The BTS footage of the show explains the closeness Mary experienced with Carl Reiner - he was a mentor (a father figure and big brother) and she craved that. Mary’s own relationship with her parents was more strained. Her father, not very showing of emotion, and her mother, a recovered alcoholic, which Mary later suffered from later in her own life, are figures present throughout the duration of Mary’s life, but it’s clear that aren’t the warm and fuzzy kind of people and there are unresolved things there. This plays out as well in Mary’s distant relationship with her own son, Ritchie.
Mary Richards phase of the 70s
As Mary entered the early 1970s, she had one successful show under her belt and a failed theater debut from she she starred at Holly Golightly in Capote’s Breakfast at Tiffany’s. The show bombed and it crushed Mary for a while. But with a little help from a friend, James Brooks, a producer who later went onto find a lot of movie success, a decision was made to bring on female writers to script a new CBS sitcom in which Moore would star as young assistant producer. This proved to be a smart and strategic decision, with the show going for 7 seasons. Incidentally, Moore’s second husband, an ad exec, Grant Tinker, formed, MTM Enterprises, which not only produced this show, but every well-known hit sitcom show from the 70s and 80s early. No really. See here.
Ordinary People
As I mentioned above, Mary Tyler Moore in the 1980s was not really in my frequency. That said, Moore’s personal life at the time was full of sadness and marked with personal tragedy. I oddly recall some of this tragedy being fodder in rags that sold in grocery stores from when I was a kid. Moore ended The Mary Tyler Moore Show, moved back to NYC (where was was born), divorced Tinker, and experienced two major deaths - her only child, dying tragically in an accidental gun shooting (from playing with a gun in his gun collection), and her sister, 20 years her junior, overdosing.
Her son’s death came a few weeks after the release of the 1980 Redford film, Ordinary People, which eerily tells a story of a family in turmoil, with one of the son’s having died tragically and the remaining son (played by a very young Timothy Hutton) left to soak in the grief with two parents who barely talk about it, and who has just arrived back from a psychiatric hospital after a suicide attempt. Moore plays the character of Beth, the mom, who is driven, beautiful physically, and a perfectionist. She’s also tightly controlled, angry, and conceals all trace of emotion and vulnerability. Those who knew Moore, the actress, more intimately, as shown via voiceovers in the documentary, very much believe this role to be the most like how Moore was in real life, when it came to her family. There may have been some catharsis in getting to unleash some of this in art form, for her.
Ordinary People, is one of my top 10 favorite tearjerker films of all time. It’s beautiful and a BEVP recommendation.
I won’t take the easy road
With the passage of time and a new love (The third time being a charm with Moore finding a love match with a Jewish doctor, 18 yrs younger in the 80s), Moore retreats from acting but finds a sense of piece with a new chapter in her life - one in which she gets involved in Type 1 - Juvenile Diabetes policy, her horses, and her marriage. Her Hollywood presence moves to the background more, but she still does some films. Notably, this part in Flirting with Disaster (1996) in which she teaches us all about the importance of a good bra:
I hope we all look this good at 60 btw. Plus, exhibit C that she can still make people laugh.
In tribute to Moore’s work ethic, grit and ability to keep on keeping on, I share with you this song below. You may know this Swedish sister folk group from their recent duo with Pink. Either way, I’ve spent most of this post, listening to it.
I hear a voice calling Calling out for me These shackles I've made in an attempt to be free Be it for reason, be it for love I won't take the easy road I won't take the easy road The easy road, the easy road I won't take the easy road The easy road, the easy road